Summer vacation is in full swing at our house. I love being home with my kids and it’s an added bonus that David is home as well. In the last two weeks, we’ve been out and about visiting different places and creating memories together.
I consider myself a homebody. I love going out but I enjoy my moments at home. Lately, I’ve noticed that Spencer is more hesitant when put in new situations. By hesitant I mean clinging to me, burying his head in my leg and nearly pushing me over. He is one strong boy. The other day we were at a local festival in town and we saw some friends. He automatically became shy and we both nearly toppled over because he was pushing himself into me. He didn’t know that we were going to see our friends (none of us did) but he was clearly taken back by it.
It’s happened a few times lately so I knew I had to do some reading on ways I can help him during those moments of anxiety. I want to help him to identify what he’s feeling, what’s triggering those feelings and what strategies he (and I) can use when he starts feeling anxious. Some of these strategies we already use and others I’m going to give a try.
- Reduce anticipatory stress – This is one that we’ve been using a lot. If we have visitors over or are going somewhere, we often don’t tell Spencer until a little while before. He’ll often say he doesn’t want to go or he doesn’t like the people. Because he doesn’t quite understand the concept of time, if we have a special event coming up in a week, I’ll either wait until closer to the day to tell him about it or use a calendar, and cross off the days as they go by. I’ll give him the details he needs to know and answer any of his questions.
- Talk it out – I’ve found that this helps Spencer. It’s hard not to get flustered in the moment when he’s literally bull-dozing me over but I try to take him aside, get down on his level and talk to him about why he doesn’t want to go somewhere or see someone. Lately, I’ve found that he gets anxious when we’re getting together with someone that he doesn’t know well or hasn’t seen in a while. Initially he can’t verbalize why he doesn’t want to do something or see someone but it helps to talk to him about it.
- Go for a walk or let him sit on my lap and watch what is going on until he feels comfortable joining in.
- Think of something happy – to redirect his attention.
- Counting – or a similar activity to redirect his attention.
- Deep breathing – this isn’t something we’ve tried but I can see it being useful when he’s a bit older or if I do it alongside him.
- Don’t avoid stressful situations – that said, I think it’s important for me to be mindful of the situations that cause him stress and provide a balance of low-stress situations or times of relaxation.
- Have a relaxation kit filled with activities that he finds calming (e.g. coloring books, books, LEGO).
- To show empathy when he’s feeling worried.
- Practice coping strategies when he’s not feeling anxious.
- Consult with a counselor or doctor for more strategies or information.
This is in no way an exhaustive list but it’s a start. I look forward to learning more about anxiety and finding tools that work for Spencer.
